is it reallly that hard to let go?

Honestly, i dont know if this is going to be a emo post. but here's really how i feel deep down inside.

I have exactly no idea how many days samantha and me had been separated. but here are my reflections...

so edward, what does it like to live a single life?

well lemme say that it both has it pros and cons.

pros are that i am much more free, i have much more allowance to be spent on myself. i can concentrate on making friends and spending more time with my family.

cons? these are going to hurt. well, i will stare at my hp sometimes thinking will my ex-gf someday still sms me. everytime the train passes bukit gombak, i will have memories flashbacks of the time i spend with her. everytime i sees a couple getting close together, memories come flooding back. i used to hug her but now its the boaster.

edward, but what is done, IS DONE. why still so... emotional?

simply because i still love her? here and there, there are many things i couldnt let go such as the ring i wore on my finger? the letters she wrote for me? they are still so "yesterday" to me.

why can't you just throw them away and just forget about it all?

it isn't easy letting it go.

anyway, here's a little note to you, if u are reading.

i still miss those times we eat mee fen mian at the coffeeshop.
i miss those times i see ur smile when i appear in ur shop with a box of chocobaby and milktea.
i miss those times where we use to sit at the metal seats, where we will sing, hug and kiss.
i miss those times where we will just dozed off on the mrt.
i miss your smses, where every morning i will see them and they are last before i slps.
i miss your touch. the way you massage me on my neck and head.
i miss your smile, your voice and mostly your love.

i know i have not been a good boyfriend here and there..
but i did try my best to bring that smile on you.

perhaps one will never know to treasure,
until she's gone.

anyway, it has been a long day.
after first aid course was movie at bishan with my brothers and vignette.

damn damn tired. i doubt i will pass my practical for my course for CPR.

give us a second chance will you?

i was just wondering what your reaction would be like,
if i someday hug you from your back,
just like before.

randoms.

today, a new-found friend asked me a qns.

how faithful can one be?

sit back and relaxed and thoughts flood in. here are my ans...

hmmm. it depends. i bring u back to these two words. self control.

in a r/s, a guy still have to carry on his life, like going to sch and meet up with friends, do projects and stuff.. same for a girl.

he/she is always exposed to opportunities to have a double relationship. the guy, can perhaps fall for his classmate, while the girl, vice versa.

and it's all back down to self control where one must know how to draw the line between a friendship, a bgr, and a triangular r/s.

and most of the time, the guy tat will tend to be less faithful.. is due to the fact tat he lusted for another girl. not love.

What an answer. I looked back and reflected. Perhaps sometimes i will need to use my own answers to pull myself together when temptations flow in.

anyway, life's gonna be busy for me really soon.

first aid course - mon to wed.
6d5n m'sia expedition - 25th feb to 3rd march.
ocbc cycling competition - 22nd feb.
training every tues and thurs.

i was just wondering...

edward, are you ready for a brand new r/s with a girl?
do you have time for her?
do you have enough $ for a r/s?
will you bring her happiness?
will this just be a love or a lust story?

or

should you just wait till you complete your studies?
remember what you said to samantha?
move on, is this the way?

edward, what about religion?

sigh forget it. no point telling the world i am a christian when i am not even behaving like one. no point putting a mask everytime i am at church.

edward, did church changed you? or was it because of samantha?

perhaps i loved samantha thats why i loved god.

anyway guys, upon reading this post, feel free ya'knw, drop me a comment. thanks.

dusty ass blog.

phew, its been like what months since i blogged.

anyway, damn tired now. not of physical but also mentally.

haha i dont know but there's numbness in me.

even if i sin, i feel no feelings anymore.

so dont fucking tempt me.

been cycling quite a lot.

upcoming m'sia trip still kinda of worry me.

anyway, whoever is up in heaven,

pls protect samantha.
pls bless alexandra.
pls bring happiness to alexia.
pls help xin ni with her grades.
pls heal sheryl.
pls bring peace gerri.
pls strengthened janice.

er. dont assume. just hope that god take goodest care of them.

anyway, random post. will find a topic to blog. soon.