haha! hey i didnt know my classmates read about my blog.
they said it was interesting to read but find my blog very pessimistic at times.
oh well, i am just that joker that always put a smile on my face and the others,
because i feel that my saddness in my life, they dont deserve to feel it.

thus here is all i rant my oh-so-fucked-up poems,
all my thoughts and my saddness.

honestly, if i was given a chance to like rewind the hand of time,
i would and here are the few things i will not do.

1. on 9 of nov 2008, i will not scold you through the phone, break your heart and sink my relationship with you.
2. during shawn's wedding, i should still hug you, hold your hands, give you a peck on your forehead and apologise for the stupidness i had done in your life.
3. on 15 of feb, i shouldnt have asked sebas out to cycle.
   
4. i shouldnt have commit that sin on 6 of feb 2009.
5. 4 of march 2009, i shouldn't have even took that cigarette.

here are just some of my biggest mistakes in my life. yet, they are past. but the affect the future.
now, living a life of aimless and pointless goals. even in love, i have already given up hope. 我好累.

school is like fuck. we pay so much sch fees for our education and they make us retake our tests. sometimes i just ponder. wtf are they doing with my wad of cash.

but i attend school for only 2 reasons.
one is for my bubbly and lovely classmates.
second is for my interest group.

afterall, i am just that cupid hovering over your head seeing you in love.

a couple of my friends come and asked me abt this. but hey, this is true.
my ex and his bf is sweeetly in love.
the girls i had a crushed on sort of found their partner.
my best buddies are attached.

and have you ever had the feeling where by everyone is attached and you are not?

and i was just wondering, perhaps i am fated to be alone, even God Almighty created eve for adam.

OH YES!
w64j chalet was super fun. i wanna give great credits to my panda jiejie for putting in so much hardwork for the bbq.
i ended up being the charcoal person, setting up the fire etc etc...
and spend the night admiring how mel was a good dancer, not forgetting ain.
ended up chatting with a few classmates in person, and got to know them way alot better.
their lives are almost as fucked up as mine. HAHAA!
but i had a great time. thanks guys! :D

woke up early today because i thought that there will be a roadshow job by great eastern.
great eastern is being great by forgetting to sms me that they will do a selection for the job.
making me dress up all formal and until at the mrt station, i realised that the job is cancelled.
what the fucking fuck.

haha! stupid me.

aiyah, cant give a shit about anything already. lost hopes for many aspects of life.
maybe taking a step a day will be the best way to live life, with surprise "excitement".

screw it, it = my life.

sweet words without action,
is as good as a plant without water.

neither will it blossom,
nor will it flourish.
for action speaks louder than words.

a man without a woman,
is like a gun without bullets.
it doesnt serve its purpose.

just like me without you,
i had lost the confidence of the things i done,
i had lost my purpose in life.

goodbye my dearest, once again.

laughters..

so after a break with sally and guys,
they laughed and i laughed.
okay i laughed my ass out.

thursday training was damn funny too,
i wished that every training was as stupid as this.
but i seriously did roll on floor laughing.

but let me back off, reflect and do a lil thinking.

laughters, are they really suppose to bring happiness?

honestly,
i dont know how the fuck should i feel anymore.
everything seems to be so fucking tiring.
it all seems not worth fighting for.
just plenty of pessimistic thoughts floating in my mind.
if we were to laugh, will our "masks" come off?

as i exhale,
as the cigarette burnt,
the thoughts were like floating through.
yes my thoughts were visible,
my thoughts were real.

try creating Os with the smoke,
yeap, form plenty, none turns out perfect.
how applicable.
whatever i do, it wont turn out right.
whatever i do, even if its successful,
i will just hit the celling.

sometimes, life seems so meaningless,
yet at times, i am filled with excitement.

and i miss those times where excitement is what i inhale,
and success is what i exhale.

i know one thing that is worth fighting for.
YOU.

should always the best man win?

every single day,
just like a plant receives sunlight,
i got to know you better.

bits by bits,
parts by parts.

as the flower blossoms,
i noticed that there are many vines around.

as you are just so attractive,
i noticed that there are so many suitors,
always besides you.

some of the guys waited so long,
did so much.

and yet if i am there to just get you,
wouldn't i be selfish?

or perhaps,

maybe the best man win?

day by day, a step at a time.

i wont judge.
because i am not fit to.

i wont look down.
because i am none better.

i will accept.
because love is about acceptance.

i have confidence.
but not full of it. because half of it, lies in you.

i am not jealous.
for love isn't jealous, neither is it boastful.

i strive for the best in life.
and you are part of it.

i am matured.
when i am handling things that affect you.

ability to provide,
love and security,
allow my actions to speak.

seriously, you awaken me tonight.
took me to a level where thoughts that deeply run through me were answered.

we can always say this phrase a hundred times,"直到你失去,你不会董得珍惜".
but we will never realize it somehow till we really lose it.

words of wisdom and experience,
how true.

will be waiting till the next moment i meet you.
will treasure it.

great great nights. (:

once he looked,
twice he glanced.
that beautiful body with that perfect dress.

his attention caught,
his heart spoke.
but he looked back,
as he was broke.

before he knew it,
his buddy spoke.
here's a girl,
he introduced.

from time to time,
her name,
haunting in his mind.

unable to eat,
unable to sleep.
all he can think of,
that moment of truth.

as the days went by,
she's still there.
lingering deeply,
in his heart.

gentle chats,
tender care.
all was shown,
in the text.

soon, weeks flew by.
realizing what seems possible,
now destroyed.

all comes to an end,
of another crush.
looking back, was that life?

HAHA this is a random post. or maybe not.