Lost, I am.

Sometimes,
Confidence is what I need.
Ego in my inner self,
Pride on my chest.

Yea I know, ego and pride did killed me once. But I believe with a little of balance,
I might be able to handle myself well.

Life at hand is a versatile as the ocean.
At days where the sky is clear and the lagoons on the shores seem so beautiful,
That is when I am all chill, relaxed and enjoying.
For now, life is like an approachable storm.
You can faintly smell the rain, and the droplets of water touching your hands.
I am so afraid of losing who I am.

Hey girl, I miss you so darn badly everytime I see a couple on the train.
Wishing how much that the guy was me, and the girl was you.
You told me not to address you by dear,
But it is just a matter of time.

Wish me best of luck,
Wish me that she will be right here, in my hand. (:

Process is as bitter, while Success is as sweet.

Just allow me to tell you guys what I had been doing.
Recently, one to two months ago, I got a new part time job.
It was one of the most challenging job I had yet to take up.
It was to be a telemarketer.
Through the phone, I am suppose to identify myself as a personal assistant to my financial advisor.

Sometimes, I really appreciate making phone calls to very friendly and understanding people. They are nice to chat with, easily agreeable and at times, I became their listening ear. Through this job, I am able to partially walk into different types of walks of life. Some whose life is all a total mess up such as retrenchment, some in the midst of bankruptcy and some even worst, a retiree living alone where all their kids had left them. However, some are really interesting. They are in the midst of marriage! Some are about to have kids! Some are about to have grand children! Thus, in this job, I did have a wide range of experience talking to various types of people.

Some nasty phone call goes like this.

Me: Hello Sir, my name is Edward and I am calling on behalf of **** ***** *******. Would it be a good time to talk to you now?
Sir: You stupid idiot do you know what time is it now?! Why you call me now?!
(I checked my time and it is only 8pm in the night. WTF?)
Me: (Acting cool) Oh I am so sorry sir, I got you at a wrong time. May I...
(Hung up)

Some are worst.

Me: Hello Sir, my name is Edward and I am calling on behalf of **** ***** *******. Would it be a good time to talk to you now?
Sir: You crazy ar calling me at this time?! DON'T CALL ME AGAIN AR!!!!!
(It was 8.30pm. WTF?)
He hung up, which is a goooood thing.

But in any instance, this is life. We encounter many unpleasant experiences. It will make us stronger, and even better in the future, as we are to face such circumstances as we grow up.

Some calls come from the database (cold calling) while some come from roadshows, which is what happen today.

Today, I decided to take up the full challenge of getting the numbers, and later calling the people up as a follow up.

Last night I had another cycling trip to Kranji with all my uncle buddies. My lil brother came along too! It was a great ride, got my new aerobar.. ANYWAY, I slept at 4am after talking to someone of my interest. I woke up at 12noon! Supposingly, I was suppose to report for work at 10am!

Thanks to my gracious and merciful finanical advisor (not guan yin ar).
He gave me allowance time to rush down! Thanks ar! Me damn paiseh man!
Reach there at around 1.30pm. Gosh I was such a mess mentally.

I must say that in order for one to actually perform physically well, we must be able to be mentally stable and of course, filled with positivity in thinking. However, sadly to say, I was quite screwed up because I did had a major qurral with my mum and certain things that were haunting my mind so badly, I lost all the confidence I had. But thanks to my finanical advisor, he gave me alot of courage and strength and knowledge on how to approach them for a survey.

In the first two hours, I screwed up pretty badly. But as the words of encouragement and strength came into my mind, slowly I picked up the skills and confidence I needed to actually approach people. After the whole roadshow, I managed to approach 65 people for good quality survey which I will do follow up calls on them soon! I am looking forward to it because I am really wanting to assist them.

In any instance, I must say that the process of getting to approach people was so much of a headache, thinking how would people reject you etc, but on the other hand, with a positive mindset, I went full steam ahead and got successful results. I am proud of myself and awaiting for the next roadshow. God knows what's next!

I guess I can only read your entries and appreciate your beautiful face from your blog.

Am I destined to be with her? Or destination is one we create for ourselves?

Hey, it's been quite awhile since I did blog!

I doubt anyone reads it.

Quite a couple of things did really affected my life.
Although they are not related to me directly,
but my loved ones are hurt, and so will I be deeply affected.


He is a person that was there when I needed a listening ear.
He was there to cheer me up with lame jokes.
We would sit down together and make fun of songs that were once so beautifully sounding.
We would have our dinner together and supper together.
We went on daring cycling rides which gave us experiences.

Yesterday was the day that really broke my heart.
A text message came telling me that his mother had left the world.
I was not prepared and was shaken inside.
My heart felt so pain because I can't live without my mother at such an age.

I went to her wake and when I saw her lying peacefully there,
memories come flashing back in my mind of how she would asked me and my buddy,
to have more rice when we were eating dinner together.
I can feel the sadness and hurt striking deep within my heart.
My eyes teared but I had to control.

Aunty, thank you for treating me just like your own son.
Although we were not blood related, but I treat your son as my own blood brother.
In the years to come where he will need guidance, I will be there to help him.
Aunty, I wished you was still here, able to cook, chat and laugh and even scold us.
You may have left the world but you will forever be remembered in my heart.
Rest in peace.




My childhood and my buddy, had just ended his relationship with his girlfriend.
It was a three year long relationship and it ended just like that.
I know how it feels when you had put in so much effort,
love her with all your heart and mind,
faithfully be by her side,
sacrifice your time in school just to be with her,
and the countless acts of love you had given to her.

Brother, I feel you and how hurt it is to just see all this going down the drain.
It may not be easy on you as there are so much burden that weighs you down.
Not to worry, we are separated by a few level only.
Anytime you can ring me up, and we can sit by the basketball court and talk anything under the moon. Cheer up bro!

For you.
I'm glad that tonight we both get to know each other way much better. I hope that tomorrow will be a day that would once give me a chance to make you feel special. And if a chance was ever given, I will treasure with my heart. I never wanted the conversation to end and wished to hear your voice, every night.

If your voice will bring me peace,
what will your physical appearance do?
bite lips + wink* :D

cupid?

Okay, wtf is a cupid? most of my buddies didnt knw it.
well, go watch Night at the Museum 2!
those 3 little "stoned" figures flying around singing songs,
when the guy is with the girl.

so wtf does a cupid do? okay based on the movie,
its suppose to be the Gods of Love.

but lemme get you guys a proper definition k?


Cu·pid

Roman Mythology The god of love; the son of Venus. cupid A representation of Cupid as a naked cherubic boy (WTF) usually having wings and holding a bow and arrow, used as a symbol of love. [Middle English Cupide, from Old French, from Latin cupīdō, desire, Cupid, from cupere, to desire.]

Okay that was from www.dictionary.com

well, guess it did clearly state wth is it. and about the naked cherubic boy, thats not me uh!!

and often i think that i am a cupid. lemme tell you guys why~
most of the time, i will hang out with friends,
and apparently, there will be a girl that i have a crush on,
and the girl will end up with my friend.
wanna know whats the worst part???
they always get together in front of me.
that should explain why at times i am quiet despite my joking character!


so picture this, they will be lovey dovey, holding hands,
and i will be at their back.

but this happens way to common in my life.
honestly, there are many ppl in my life that i did see,
falling in love, when i am after her.

so hor, sua already. me v.tired liao. if i have female friends,
i am happy already. lol!

SO! a couple of hours more to go, and the new school term starts.
guess what? what. Java UT on the first day.
and the whole fking week is UT week. YAYness! -.-"

I dont really know how much I can take from all the IT shit..
and you know this love life shit, its really crappy.
but i think life is just like this??

had two chalets within two weeks.
first was great second was not too bad!

here are some words for some of my friends that are going through a hard time:

Staryl, I know it's hard for you to not get pissed off by what your bf did to sort of like hurt you, indirectly. But understand the fact that he is a guy and a guy hardly understand her gf until she seriously breaks down. and at certain times, it might seems hopless to why carry on this so fucked up r/s when he dont even care and bother.

Well, I just want to encourage you to be a stronger self, and not let such things that your bf do that hurts you deep within. You do have me and other friends to talk your heart out to and I am sure they will be there for you. At least, you are attached. i am sure he will be there for you too.

Meanwhile, take care and text me alright! (:

Alexi, you have just broken up and I can feel the pain you are going through? I had been through a breakup, and it was never easy letting it all go. That attached lifestyle that you had suddenly plunged into a singlehood thing.

You loved him way too much, and if I had a gf that does whatever you would do to your bf like surprising him to a cablecar birthday dinner, I will propose to you when I got a stable job and earning the bucks! I mean, it's hard to come by such a girl like you. and since it's over already, dont go fretting about it for you know, you seriously deserves a guy that treats you way better.

Stay strong and keep yourself busy! and when will we ever meet up?! HAHA!

Baozhen, it's time to move on already. I known you for some time and lost contact, and once we are back chatting, you changed soooo much uh! for better or worst, i won't say. but I feel that you did loved him very much too! so much so that till this day, I am sure his name still lingers in your heart and you feel so tired, just wanting him to be with you.

My advise is that you should move on with life already. dont keep looking back, for what the past, is the past. and look for someone that deserves you, not demand you! perhaps when you are in search of him, ensure that he can provide you with security, committement, love, care, concern.. etc. BUT! don't always go and jio the guy. The boy should take the initiative. (:

Jiayou alright? and stop being emo about stuff already. see you, online!



Alright guys, off to the bed already!
thanks for reading though, do tag! :D