A life with no regrets

Lost, I am.

2009-08-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

Sometimes,
Confidence is what I need.
Ego in my inner self,
Pride on my chest.

Yea I know, ego and pride did killed me once. But I believe with a little of balance,
I might be able to handle myself well.

Life at hand is a versatile as the ocean.
At days where the sky is clear and the lagoons on the shores seem so beautiful,
That is when I am all chill, relaxed and enjoying.
For now, life is like an approachable storm.
You can faintly smell the rain, and the droplets of water touching your hands.
I am so afraid of losing who I am.

Hey girl, I miss you so darn badly everytime I see a couple on the train.
Wishing how much that the guy was me, and the girl was you.
You told me not to address you by dear,
But it is just a matter of time.

Wish me best of luck,
Wish me that she will be right here, in my hand. (:

Process is as bitter, while Success is as sweet.

2009-08-03T00:38:00.002+08:00

Just allow me to tell you guys what I had been doing.
Recently, one to two months ago, I got a new part time job.
It was one of the most challenging job I had yet to take up.
It was to be a telemarketer.
Through the phone, I am suppose to identify myself as a personal assistant to my financial advisor.

Sometimes, I really appreciate making phone calls to very friendly and understanding people. They are nice to chat with, easily agreeable and at times, I became their listening ear. Through this job, I am able to partially walk into different types of walks of life. Some whose life is all a total mess up such as retrenchment, some in the midst of bankruptcy and some even worst, a retiree living alone where all their kids had left them. However, some are really interesting. They are in the midst of marriage! Some are about to have kids! Some are about to have grand children! Thus, in this job, I did have a wide range of experience talking to various types of people.

Some nasty phone call goes like this.

Me: Hello Sir, my name is Edward and I am calling on behalf of **** ***** *******. Would it be a good time to talk to you now?
Sir: You stupid idiot do you know what time is it now?! Why you call me now?!
(I checked my time and it is only 8pm in the night. WTF?)
Me: (Acting cool) Oh I am so sorry sir, I got you at a wrong time. May I...
(Hung up)

Some are worst.

Me: Hello Sir, my name is Edward and I am calling on behalf of **** ***** *******. Would it be a good time to talk to you now?
Sir: You crazy ar calling me at this time?! DON'T CALL ME AGAIN AR!!!!!
(It was 8.30pm. WTF?)
He hung up, which is a goooood thing.

But in any instance, this is life. We encounter many unpleasant experiences. It will make us stronger, and even better in the future, as we are to face such circumstances as we grow up.

Some calls come from the database (cold calling) while some come from roadshows, which is what happen today.

Today, I decided to take up the full challenge of getting the numbers, and later calling the people up as a follow up.

Last night I had another cycling trip to Kranji with all my uncle buddies. My lil brother came along too! It was a great ride, got my new aerobar.. ANYWAY, I slept at 4am after talking to someone of my interest. I woke up at 12noon! Supposingly, I was suppose to report for work at 10am!

Thanks to my gracious and merciful finanical advisor (not guan yin ar).
He gave me allowance time to rush down! Thanks ar! Me damn paiseh man!
Reach there at around 1.30pm. Gosh I was such a mess mentally.

I must say that in order for one to actually perform physically well, we must be able to be mentally stable and of course, filled with positivity in thinking. However, sadly to say, I was quite screwed up because I did had a major qurral with my mum and certain things that were haunting my mind so badly, I lost all the confidence I had. But thanks to my finanical advisor, he gave me alot of courage and strength and knowledge on how to approach them for a survey.

In the first two hours, I screwed up pretty badly. But as the words of encouragement and strength came into my mind, slowly I picked up the skills and confidence I needed to actually approach people. After the whole roadshow, I managed to approach 65 people for good quality survey which I will do follow up calls on them soon! I am looking forward to it because I am really wanting to assist them.

In any instance, I must say that the process of getting to approach people was so much of a headache, thinking how would people reject you etc, but on the other hand, with a positive mindset, I went full steam ahead and got successful results. I am proud of myself and awaiting for the next roadshow. God knows what's next!

2009-08-01T08:22:00.003+08:00

I guess I can only read your entries and appreciate your beautiful face from your blog.

Am I destined to be with her? Or destination is one we create for ourselves?

2009-07-30T02:41:00.002+08:00

Hey, it's been quite awhile since I did blog!

I doubt anyone reads it.

Quite a couple of things did really affected my life.
Although they are not related to me directly,
but my loved ones are hurt, and so will I be deeply affected.

He is a person that was there when I needed a listening ear.
He was there to cheer me up with lame jokes.
We would sit down together and make fun of songs that were once so beautifully sounding.
We would have our dinner together and supper together.
We went on daring cycling rides which gave us experiences.

Yesterday was the day that really broke my heart.
A text message came telling me that his mother had left the world.
I was not prepared and was shaken inside.
My heart felt so pain because I can't live without my mother at such an age.

I went to her wake and when I saw her lying peacefully there,
memories come flashing back in my mind of how she would asked me and my buddy,
to have more rice when we were eating dinner together.
I can feel the sadness and hurt striking deep within my heart.
My eyes teared but I had to control.

Aunty, thank you for treating me just like your own son.
Although we were not blood related, but I treat your son as my own blood brother.
In the years to come where he will need guidance, I will be there to help him.
Aunty, I wished you was still here, able to cook, chat and laugh and even scold us.
You may have left the world but you will forever be remembered in my heart.
Rest in peace.

My childhood and my buddy, had just ended his relationship with his girlfriend.
It was a three year long relationship and it ended just like that.
I know how it feels when you had put in so much effort,
love her with all your heart and mind,
faithfully be by her side,
sacrifice your time in school just to be with her,
and the countless acts of love you had given to her.

Brother, I feel you and how hurt it is to just see all this going down the drain.
It may not be easy on you as there are so much burden that weighs you down.
Not to worry, we are separated by a few level only.
Anytime you can ring me up, and we can sit by the basketball court and talk anything under the moon. Cheer up bro!

For you.
I'm glad that tonight we both get to know each other way much better. I hope that tomorrow will be a day that would once give me a chance to make you feel special. And if a chance was ever given, I will treasure with my heart. I never wanted the conversation to end and wished to hear your voice, every night.

If your voice will bring me peace,
what will your physical appearance do?
bite lips + wink* :D

cupid?

2009-06-13T03:37:00.002+08:00

Okay, wtf is a cupid? most of my buddies didnt knw it.
well, go watch Night at the Museum 2!
those 3 little "stoned" figures flying around singing songs,
when the guy is with the girl.

so wtf does a cupid do? okay based on the movie,
its suppose to be the Gods of Love.

but lemme get you guys a proper definition k?

Cu·pid

Roman Mythology The god of love; the son of Venus.
cupid A representation of Cupid as a naked cherubic boy (WTF) usually having wings and holding a bow and arrow, used as a symbol of love.

[Middle English Cupide, from Old French, from Latin cupīdō, desire, Cupid, from cupere, to desire.]

Okay that was from www.dictionary.com

well, guess it did clearly state wth is it. and about the naked cherubic boy, thats not me uh!!

and often i think that i am a cupid. lemme tell you guys why~
most of the time, i will hang out with friends,
and apparently, there will be a girl that i have a crush on,
and the girl will end up with my friend.
wanna know whats the worst part???
they always get together in front of me.
that should explain why at times i am quiet despite my joking character!

so picture this, they will be lovey dovey, holding hands,
and i will be at their back.

but this happens way to common in my life.
honestly, there are many ppl in my life that i did see,
falling in love, when i am after her.

so hor, sua already. me v.tired liao. if i have female friends,
i am happy already. lol!

SO! a couple of hours more to go, and the new school term starts.
guess what? what. Java UT on the first day.
and the whole fking week is UT week. YAYness! -.-"

I dont really know how much I can take from all the IT shit..
and you know this love life shit, its really crappy.
but i think life is just like this??

had two chalets within two weeks.
first was great second was not too bad!

here are some words for some of my friends that are going through a hard time:

Staryl, I know it's hard for you to not get pissed off by what your bf did to sort of like hurt you, indirectly. But understand the fact that he is a guy and a guy hardly understand her gf until she seriously breaks down. and at certain times, it might seems hopless to why carry on this so fucked up r/s when he dont even care and bother.

Well, I just want to encourage you to be a stronger self, and not let such things that your bf do that hurts you deep within. You do have me and other friends to talk your heart out to and I am sure they will be there for you. At least, you are attached. i am sure he will be there for you too.

Meanwhile, take care and text me alright! (:

Alexi, you have just broken up and I can feel the pain you are going through? I had been through a breakup, and it was never easy letting it all go. That attached lifestyle that you had suddenly plunged into a singlehood thing.

You loved him way too much, and if I had a gf that does whatever you would do to your bf like surprising him to a cablecar birthday dinner, I will propose to you when I got a stable job and earning the bucks! I mean, it's hard to come by such a girl like you. and since it's over already, dont go fretting about it for you know, you seriously deserves a guy that treats you way better.

Stay strong and keep yourself busy! and when will we ever meet up?! HAHA!

Baozhen, it's time to move on already. I known you for some time and lost contact, and once we are back chatting, you changed soooo much uh! for better or worst, i won't say. but I feel that you did loved him very much too! so much so that till this day, I am sure his name still lingers in your heart and you feel so tired, just wanting him to be with you.

My advise is that you should move on with life already. dont keep looking back, for what the past, is the past. and look for someone that deserves you, not demand you! perhaps when you are in search of him, ensure that he can provide you with security, committement, love, care, concern.. etc. BUT! don't always go and jio the guy. The boy should take the initiative. (:

Jiayou alright? and stop being emo about stuff already. see you, online!

Alright guys, off to the bed already!
thanks for reading though, do tag! :D

somethings are just beyond our control.

2009-06-08T05:36:00.003+08:00

just look at our daily lives and the world we lived in today.

so many natural disasters, virus and flu diseases are so common these days.
the stock market is at a all time high and soon it dips below the charts,
causing so poverty to increase, leading to much much crime rates...
homosexuality are on the rise and people think its alright!

let me not talk about myself for just once.
i want to learn and appreciate how the world screwed us up.

thank goodness Singapore is located in such a geological position that we almost disaster free,
from the horrendous weather conditions. poor Indonesia, taking the hit for us. however, being position surrounding with developing countries are one of the worst scenario for us too.

(bush on fire! haha not this BUSH lah)

remember the day Malaysia and Indonesia decided to clear the jungle by burning their forest floor for plantation? bush on fire! they smoke, we breathe. and all the asthmatic people in Singapore just have to suffer like fuck. yes, like fuck.

(hazy hazy)

a few reasons why such things happen, corruption in the government, the lack of education, the lack of equipment and also the easygoing way of just burn and what's better, the ashes of the aftermath act as fertilizers.

no offense to our neighbouring countries, but the government there is corrupted. and it isn't their fault too, the country is big and hard to manage, and greed comes into the heart of the officials..

lack of education? yes. imagine a farmer, 50 year old and have lots of experience in farming from their past generations, but he can't read or write. how to educate like that? draw for him ar? and they are stubborn lah. ask them change, they lazy or don't want or comes up with some pussy reasons.

(fierce or what, the fire is massive)

you know how easy to light up a forest fire? just ask that douche bag in Australia, how he managed to kill so many animals and killed people too! all for the sake of fun. just light up and burn a bush, and all you need is someone to break wind. HAHA! no kidding. just natural wind will make that small bush of fire into a fireball. how unfair? well...

And ar, if you want to ride the best rollercoaster of your life, try buying stocks. it will have your ass screwed up big time, esp if you throw your whole life savings in your piggy bank, to the stock market. heard of the genting rollercoaster? you have yet to have the ride of your life man. not saying that i am a player in the stock market, i do read and sighs everytime i see a major bank shut their front gates and employees carrying boxes leaving the building.

with major banks come tumbling down, everyone is affected. ever heard of... "when the shit hits the fan, everyone ducks?" well, some were forced to stand up and kena hit by the shit lor.

bad luck. retrenchment rates were record high and those people in desperate need goes around robbing and stealing. what's worst? they target those elderly. thank goodness our police force is not too bad. do patrol around our estates...

and i just stumbled upon a gay blog. it is not that i am against homosexuality, but it's just downright wrong. i understand that different people have different wants and needs. BUT inserting your dick into a A-hole is not cool, and having a guy doing blow jobs for you is downright wrong. i will vomit if i see one such act. like seriously. i hope my future generations realise how much God hates homosexuality and realise the consequences of anal sex. it's aids and stds they will be getting! haiz.... and dont come asking why i dont put pictures of gays here.

if you read the bible, you will know how much God detest homosexuality.

(btw, thats the city of sodom & gomorrah)

hmmmm so lemme conclude. there are definitely way much more things that are incontrollable in our hands, thus we must always learn to be flexible and watch our asses to know and analysis our near future, because prevention is always better than cure!

meanwhile, readers out there! thanks for your concern about me smoking... i am cutting down already alright! (: no worries uh! oh yes! rmb to tag! :D

loves,
Edward

2009-06-04T19:38:00.003+08:00

haha! hey i didnt know my classmates read about my blog.
they said it was interesting to read but find my blog very pessimistic at times.
oh well, i am just that joker that always put a smile on my face and the others,
because i feel that my saddness in my life, they dont deserve to feel it.

thus here is all i rant my oh-so-fucked-up poems,
all my thoughts and my saddness.

honestly, if i was given a chance to like rewind the hand of time,
i would and here are the few things i will not do.

on 9 of nov 2008, i will not scold you through the phone, break your heart and sink my relationship with you.
during shawn's wedding, i should still hug you, hold your hands, give you a peck on your forehead and apologise for the stupidness i had done in your life.
on 15 of feb, i shouldnt have asked sebas out to cycle.
i shouldnt have commit that sin on 6 of feb 2009.
4 of march 2009, i shouldn't have even took that cigarette.

here are just some of my biggest mistakes in my life. yet, they are past. but the affect the future.
now, living a life of aimless and pointless goals. even in love, i have already given up hope. 我好累.

school is like fuck. we pay so much sch fees for our education and they make us retake our tests. sometimes i just ponder. wtf are they doing with my wad of cash.

but i attend school for only 2 reasons.
one is for my bubbly and lovely classmates.
second is for my interest group.

afterall, i am just that cupid hovering over your head seeing you in love.

a couple of my friends come and asked me abt this. but hey, this is true.
my ex and his bf is sweeetly in love.
the girls i had a crushed on sort of found their partner.
my best buddies are attached.

and have you ever had the feeling where by everyone is attached and you are not?

and i was just wondering, perhaps i am fated to be alone, even God Almighty created eve for adam.

OH YES!
w64j chalet was super fun. i wanna give great credits to my panda jiejie for putting in so much hardwork for the bbq.
i ended up being the charcoal person, setting up the fire etc etc...
and spend the night admiring how mel was a good dancer, not forgetting ain.
ended up chatting with a few classmates in person, and got to know them way alot better.
their lives are almost as fucked up as mine. HAHAA!
but i had a great time. thanks guys! :D

woke up early today because i thought that there will be a roadshow job by great eastern.
great eastern is being great by forgetting to sms me that they will do a selection for the job.
making me dress up all formal and until at the mrt station, i realised that the job is cancelled.
what the fucking fuck.

haha! stupid me.

aiyah, cant give a shit about anything already. lost hopes for many aspects of life.
maybe taking a step a day will be the best way to live life, with surprise "excitement".

screw it, it = my life.

sweet words without action,
is as good as a plant without water.

neither will it blossom,
nor will it flourish.
for action speaks louder than words.

a man without a woman,
is like a gun without bullets.
it doesnt serve its purpose.

just like me without you,
i had lost the confidence of the things i done,
i had lost my purpose in life.

goodbye my dearest, once again.

laughters..

2009-05-29T13:30:00.002+08:00

so after a break with sally and guys,
they laughed and i laughed.
okay i laughed my ass out.

thursday training was damn funny too,
i wished that every training was as stupid as this.
but i seriously did roll on floor laughing.

but let me back off, reflect and do a lil thinking.

laughters, are they really suppose to bring happiness?

honestly,
i dont know how the fuck should i feel anymore.
everything seems to be so fucking tiring.
it all seems not worth fighting for.
just plenty of pessimistic thoughts floating in my mind.
if we were to laugh, will our "masks" come off?

as i exhale,
as the cigarette burnt,
the thoughts were like floating through.
yes my thoughts were visible,
my thoughts were real.

try creating Os with the smoke,
yeap, form plenty, none turns out perfect.
how applicable.
whatever i do, it wont turn out right.
whatever i do, even if its successful,
i will just hit the celling.

sometimes, life seems so meaningless,
yet at times, i am filled with excitement.

and i miss those times where excitement is what i inhale,
and success is what i exhale.

i know one thing that is worth fighting for.
YOU.

should always the best man win?

2009-05-28T02:03:00.003+08:00

every single day,
just like a plant receives sunlight,
i got to know you better.

bits by bits,
parts by parts.

as the flower blossoms,
i noticed that there are many vines around.

as you are just so attractive,
i noticed that there are so many suitors,
always besides you.

some of the guys waited so long,
did so much.

and yet if i am there to just get you,
wouldn't i be selfish?

or perhaps,

maybe the best man win?

day by day, a step at a time.

2009-05-27T01:43:00.007+08:00

i wont judge.
because i am not fit to.

i wont look down.
because i am none better.

i will accept.
because love is about acceptance.

i have confidence.
but not full of it. because half of it, lies in you.

i am not jealous.
for love isn't jealous, neither is it boastful.

i strive for the best in life.
and you are part of it.

i am matured.
when i am handling things that affect you.

ability to provide,
love and security,
allow my actions to speak.

seriously, you awaken me tonight.
took me to a level where thoughts that deeply run through me were answered.

we can always say this phrase a hundred times,"直到你失去,你不会董得珍惜".
but we will never realize it somehow till we really lose it.

words of wisdom and experience,
how true.

will be waiting till the next moment i meet you.
will treasure it.

great great nights. (:

2009-05-26T15:47:00.002+08:00

once he looked,
twice he glanced.
that beautiful body with that perfect dress.

his attention caught,
his heart spoke.
but he looked back,
as he was broke.

before he knew it,
his buddy spoke.
here's a girl,
he introduced.

from time to time,
her name,
haunting in his mind.

unable to eat,
unable to sleep.
all he can think of,
that moment of truth.

as the days went by,
she's still there.
lingering deeply,
in his heart.

gentle chats,
tender care.
all was shown,
in the text.

soon, weeks flew by.
realizing what seems possible,
now destroyed.

all comes to an end,
of another crush.
looking back, was that life?

HAHA this is a random post. or maybe not.

Crushed.

2009-05-21T00:12:00.004+08:00

I had a few pretty rough days in a row.
It was extremely exhausting. Nerve-wrecking and mind fucking.
Thanks to Fee, my day was so much better. :D

Woke up at 12noon. I had a 12 hour slept.
That might explained how tired I was.

Let me begin,

On Tuesday, my beloved classmates during the second break,
"chabot" class. WHY? Because we don't catch the ball of the problem,
that facilitator was soooo boring. Her worksheet, no one did.
Our powerpoint front page wasn't even up!
And they had this "brilliant" idea of going to study.
Thus, we ended up in W67J, 3 stories above, "studying".
Brothers and sisters separated table,
one side ended up gaming. the other end up chatting.

YAYNESS! so much so for "studying" for later's UT.
how ironic.

UT started. IT WAS AS CRAP AS "I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE"!
I don't even understand a single question.
And the 6Ps that were suppose to be "helpful",
became gibberish to me.

Rushed off to trek training.
A few came. Sigh, disappointed.
My mood was damn bad. I was super silent the whole training.
Played frisbee. It didn't work out well.
Ended with a volleyball.

Mum's curry chicken made the night. It was superb.
I think when she retired, she can go and be a chef or something.

Today,
LEPAK day.
met Kim and Vig, left for school.
Had a briefing which wasted 30mins of my time.

Rushed down to AMK to meet Fee.
We went to catch a movie, The Uninvited.
It was more of a thriller than of a horror movie.

Went to get my dinner and we chatted.
We were smoking, and this uncle,
scare both Fee and me.
From afar, he looks like a typical NEA officer.
With a walkietalkie, a pen in his pocket,
and that look he gave. NEA.

We were like pretending to be just chilling,
looking and ensuring we ain't flicking our cigarette.

And before you know it, his wife approached him.
And just like any uncle and aunty, they were holding hands.
Shit. That fucking man gave us a jump. SHIT.

MRT homed, still thinking about her.

I don't know if what I am saying will be applicable to ladies,
But here's how I feel about you girl.
That look, that smile, that sweet voice you had,
Just caught be on an instant. And deep within me,
I KNOW THAT'S IT.
You caught my attention unlike any others.
You are irreplaceable.

Before you know it,
We are in contact. We chat and smoked together.
I gave you things that make you go soft and touched.
Well, you are just that perfect girl.

However, to me you are just like so far away.
You have so many guys, way better than me.
I know I am a nobody in your world,
but you deserve that smile everyday of your life.

Not giving up yet. Not so easily.

I miss you already.

YAYNESS.

2009-05-12T03:23:00.002+08:00

Alright. I know I have not been updating.

Sorry Sheryl, and those that read my blog. :P

Currently I am seriously busy with school.

Nothing to do with my studies, but what lies deep within was my passion,

That keep driving me to push myself to the next level of trekking.

www.rp-trekearth.blogspot.com

That was what I am busy with.

For my class, what must have more to say then using the F word?

I knew you guys think that its THAT f word again.

Nah, its fun alright! :D

20 girls, 5 guys.

HAHA I think I am influenced by them too much.

How the way the act and talk. OMG... WHATEVER...

HAHA so much so like a girl eh!

Don't worry I am straight. Just gotta be adaptive to my current situation.

Seriously, I am thankful for all my oh-so-loving friends.

I AM SORRY, I AM JUST TOOO CAUGHT UP WITH MYSELF!
sometimes I forget your names. :(

I don't really know how is my life going to be running now?

Perhaps songs are the best to describe my feelings...

Soulmate by Natasha Beddingfield

How do you sleep by Jesse McCartney

If you people listen to these songs, you will understand. (:

anyways, anyhow. I am alright. Still surviving. :D

allow me to into my future. (:

2009-04-18T04:35:00.008+08:00

Currently,

I am 19, studying in RP doing Diploma in Business Application.

My passion belongs to the outdoor,
which consists of mountain trekking,
having all sorts of outdoor sports,
and I love doing extremes.
Rock Climbing! Cycling! Swimming! Frisbee!

Just by looking at what I am studying,
there is an absolute no link to whatever my passion is.

However, I am glad I had found what satisfy me.
After all, happiness is one of the essential need for a healthy life.

There are 2 routes I am heading. Gotta choose one.

Continue in Business, which in turn will bring me lots of money,
however will it ever bring me happiness? I ever doubt.

Find myself a girl that I love, not lust for.
Take the relationship through my poly years,
and here and there I am sure to know,
Relations does have it's ups and down.
Army will be a great test for me and her.

After ORD, find myself a job maybe as a businessman,
At the same time, do a part-time degree in maybe business management?
Upon graduation, I will be around 27 years old.

Save up my money for a grand marriage, a beautiful honeymoon,
a condominium penthouse, a great and powerful car,

Getting married at maybe 30 years old? A little too old,
but with age comes wisdom, knowledge and experience.

Enjoy a life just with my wife for 2 years? And soon I wanna have kids.
2boys, 2girls.

Retire at the age of 50 with millions in my bank,
take an overlook at the demands of the market,
maybe I will invest in entertainment for youths.

Open a club, just like Zouk.

Have part of my profit going to orphanages, third world countries,
feeding the hungry, educating the poor and ensuring poverty ceases.

Looking back after all I have typed, gosh, this is seriously a life I would wanna lead.

Alright, here's the 2nd route.

Upon graduating from RP, I will enter army.
Seriously my mind ponders will I even be attached with a girl.
Entering into the army will expose me to a lot of outdoors,
a lot of "protecting" the nation.

ORDed and maybe I might get myself a job that deals with outdoor,
maybe Outward Bound (whatever the country is)
Or even being a trekking professional, learning how to deal with nature.

I know the pay is extreme little compared to being a businessman,
but that is, IF I were to pursue my passion. Happiness is guaranteed,
however I am a poor man.

Will I even get married if I do not have money?
Will I even find a girl that suits my lifestyle of outdoor and nature?

HAHA assuming I am single,
I will just continue loving nature, until I retire.

Retiring at 60? And maybe get myself a countryside house by the river.
Open myself a trekking company,
Planning and organizing trekking trips for those students who have passion for nature.

I will charge as little as possible,
because I know these students were just like me,
40 years ago. Saving up money to go overseas and experience nature.

After so much I typed, reflected and thought,
I seriously doubt this is the life I will ever want.
Somehow, let things go by step by step.

Alright, the third route which I didn't really thought of.
God's calling. To be a missionary.

Once a vision was given to me.
God placed me on a stage, with a translator.
As I opened my eyes, I see multitude of people,
mostly dark skinned, maybe the Africans or Indians.

Perhaps God's will was for me to make use of my speaking talent.
To show them how much God's love
will provide, will bless, will supply, will protect, will forgive sins...

I have no idea how am I going to head for this path of life,
and certainly, if that is truly what God's plan for me of life,
It will come true and it shall come true.

God will make a way, where there isn't.
He will be there for those that believe in Him in the darkest moment of their lives.
God heals, God cares and God loves.

OKAY! enough about that exciting glimpse of my future.
Sorry guys, I have not been updating like recently,
and thanks, year ones. You guys are a beautiful bunch of students.
Anything just tagged me on my board, or drop me a MSN message.

with love,
Edward.

it stills haunts me. =/

2009-04-16T00:57:00.003+08:00

so, today was an extremely unforgettable day!

the night before, ryan and me decided to "overnight" in school,
WHY? so that i wont have to wake up so freaking early to go sch for
FOP 2009. it starts at 8.30am!!!

the night was long, silent and just not a very comfortable night.
managed to sleep only after 5.30am. awaken by alarm by 8am,
i showered and changed up, all still in a daze.......

reported and even the ICs of the SIT was also in a mess!
she didnt know what she shld do!?!?!
but her face of panicked deserves my sympathy luh.
so i went over to assist her in sorting out mess.

after all the sticker pasting, shouting, running here and there...
finally all the SIT students year ones were sitting in the badminton hall.
it's a pretty amazing side, to see Singapore's largest SIT,
a cohort of more than one thousand students! :D

managed to get team number 36!
omgosh they are some of the most farniest ppl to hang out with!
the guys were friendly and the girls were cheeky.
however have some super quiet dudes.. and girls...
HAHA okay i hope tmr will be better! :D

after everything ended,
phoned mum and i thought she was at bukit gombak.
so i alighted there, thinking mum and clinton was there.

and as i walked through the busy streets,

i felt as if the past have came back.

the surge of me, always rushing through these busy pathways,

buying dinner, milktea and some snacks,

just to surprise samantha.

walked down the koffeeshop..

i use to rmb where samantha and me always sit,

i even rmb what we loved to order.

you knw, tears flowed out,

my heartache like it nvr did before.

immediately, i became so quiet.

all i can picture was me still holding your hands,

strolling down this small little town,

and nth else matters...

BUT, it's all over.
i dont understand why, it still do seriously haunts me.
you are beautifully attached,
what you wanted you got...
perhaps thats why you dont feel the burn.

alright, so much so for now..

shat!

2009-04-14T04:01:00.002+08:00

hahaha!

a sudden urge of running along the beaches of Sentosa.

babes + sand + sun + (maybe a cig?)

wooo.... paradise! hahahaa!

maybe a lil of frisbee, v.ball...

and nth beats a great spa, a great massage..

and finally, chilling out with friends at club.

(above mentioned is a dream.)

hahahhahahaa addicted to rap music.

great tempo, but fucked up lyrics. LOL!

still nice, i dont really care.

wtf.

2009-04-12T20:07:00.003+08:00

was trying to fall asleep...

and (he+she=they) smsed me. kinda of pissed off.

perhaps i think even as friends, we shouldn't be.

but bro, we are in the same church, same svc...

i won't want to, or have anything to destroy your r/s with her.

my motives are just pure friendship.

anyway, glad that she now lies in your hands.

&

dad is in thailand,

and wtf thailand is thai-fucking-messed-up-land now.

i hope they stopped their state of emergency,

and all the riots & protests that messed a beautiful nation up.

if anything happens to dad...

&

had a freaking nightmare in the morning,

plus mum and didi is sick. wth is wrong.

great, now i am alone at home.

moody and its going to rain.

well done...

2009-04-12T03:41:00.004+08:00

Dad i will miss you. All the best for bowling in Thailand.
Mom and Clinton is sick. WTH of all times, now. :(

Been to KL with buddies just for some fun.
Very budget though... Apologies if I sort of spoil parts of the fun.

Serving for Easter & Children Church. (kids are fun)
Allow me to summaries it all.

When one is weak, continue enduring.
For the outcome will be a strong self.

So many things, just rushed through.

Perhaps it's time to just sit down.
Chill & Relax & Reflect.

School is re-opening in a couple of days.
I am like a mug that is about to overflow with excitement. (:

Sometimes I wonder, if we really do stand a chance.

if feelings and emotions can be replaced....

2009-04-02T09:31:00.005+08:00

it will be replaced by songs.

Kelsey

Metro Station

So take one word you said,
You put it in your bed,
You rest your tiny head on your pillow.
You wonder where you're going next,
You got your head pushed to my chest,
And now you're hoping that someone lets you in.

Well I swear I'll let you in.
You know I'll let you in.
Oh Kelsey, you.

So don't let anyone scare you,
You know that I'll protect you always.
Now through the thick and thin.
Until the end, you better watch it.
You know you don't cross it because
I'm always here for you.
And I'll be here for you.

I know, I know, I know
I know how it feels, believe me,
I've been there. And
I know, I know, I know
I know what it feels like.
Tell me - Kelsey

And I'd swim the ocean for you.
The ocean for you.
Whoa. Kelsey.

And I'd swim the ocean for you.
The ocean for you.
Whoa. Kelsey.
Oh you, darling.

Now it's gonna get harder.
And it's gonna burn brighter.
And it's gonna feel tougher.
Each and every day.

And so let me say, that I love you.
You're all I've ever wanted.
All I've ever dreamed of to come.
And yes - you did come.

I want you so bad,
Can you feel it too?
You know I'm so,
I'm so in love with you.
I want you, so much.
I need you, so much.
I need your, I need your, your touch.

And I'd swim the ocean for you.
The ocean for you.
Whoa. Kelsey.

And I'd swim the ocean for you.
The ocean for you.
Whoa. Kelsey.
4x

And you never ever let me in.
4x

Her name, is not Kelsey though! =x

I knw, it's hard for you girl.

Sometimes you are so close yet so far.

And, your smile brightens my darkened night.

whatever i said, i really wanna see it happen.

Thank you all.

2009-04-01T02:17:00.013+08:00

First up, thank you, daddy & mummy for blessing me with a great birthday.

parents brought me & didi to Malaysia, Malacca.

Just to celebrate my birthday and have some fun.

on the 28th, woke up early, set out on MRT to kranji mrt!

(micky ho, clinton ho & faye choo)

it's pretty obvious.. i am the cameraman, so i am not inside.

after a 1.5 hour long of bus ride, we reached!

(Malacca River)

Yeap, thats beautiful Malacca! and we took a cab, costing RM15 to the lodge we booked.

(Ringo's Foyer Lodge!)

(towards the rooms)

(look cozy isn't it?)

i didn't take a picture of my room though. it was air-conditioned, queen size bed + 2 single.
very affordable, RM 55 per night for 4 people?

i must emphasize that i am impressed with my dad. because he loves hotel, and this time...
he stays in the lodge! and he enjoys? i hope. =x

what's best? the host of the lodge is very very very approachable and friendly.

(Howard the friendly host! & my dad, chatting)

after much settling down, we headed to the famous Dutch Area, where they have museums regarding the history of Malacca and beautiful scenes.

my dad wanted to explore the area a little.

so we hired two trishaws to bring us around. it's at an affordable rate. RM10!

(customized. some have even a stereo music system!)

the uncle sent us to a few sight seeing tours.

(dutch windmill)

after that, we walked back to that area, and took the staggering stairs up St. Paul's hill.
located on top, was a church which was 500+ years old?
it looks extremely torn down, with concreted tombstones surrounding.

(the view on top of the hill)

used my didi de cam to take a few pics down there.
that shld explain why, i didnt upload them here.

walked down to the famous Jonker Street. (Jonker, what a name.)

(dont under estimate the quietness of this place)
WHY?
because after 6pm, it will turn like this. (look below)

(sadly, only fri, sat and sundays, will they be like these)

had a great wanton mee + lok lok, in satay gravy. DELICIOUS.
walked back home, a great distance cause we are not familiar, we detour a couple of times.
went back to lodge and SNORE! zzzzz

2nd day was great. breakfast was just at our doorstep.
it isn't any ordinary breakfast store. it was DIM SUM!

(Restaurant Zhen Xiang Yuan)

(sufficient portion, good presentation, tasty sauce)

operating hours are 5am to 12nn.
it's so affordable, that my family ate like the royal family.
small plates were RM1.5o and big plates were RM1.90.

after a great breakfast, we walked to the riverside of Malacca. SWEET.

(me, as usual, love doing the extreme)

(my forever loving parents)

and.. my family pictures. quite stupid a few. =x

(super dad)

(about to shat in my pants)

and its time to bid farewell to Malacca.

ANYWAY, i would like to thank...

all that wished me happy birthday.

sorry for the late reply, cause i was in M'sia.

when I was home, my parents surprised me even with an extraordinary birthday.

(cake + donuts!)

(family shot!)

(me & clinton)

alright, end of here le bah! (:
those that read, do tag and comment!

had a long day at sentosa with trekearth. :D
frisbee, backflips and sunburnt.

hey girl, don't fret. even your bf fails you, i will be here, for you. loves you baby...

lets look back. (:

2009-03-25T03:28:00.005+08:00

let's flip back the book of history.

sunday!

i went out with Mel. went to golden mile food centre below army market.

i must say, i did really had a great breakfast with Mel.
we chatted and catch up. after that, we went to shop around army market.

all of a sudden she felt extremely sick and we left. =(
cabbed home as she sleeps in the cab.

i can say Mel is one of the toughest girl i had ever met.
seeing her so sick, really shows me another side of her.

i must say you look beautiful when you are resting on my shoulder. (:
should take a photo of us.
anyway take care yea! there's always a next time. (:

i treated you none other than my gf, is only we didnt held hands.
monday!

went down to clark quay in the morning at 11am to collect my pay.
woah lan give me cheque.
like that means must bank in,
wait for 1 day before collecting the hard cash!

working for this IT Fair 2009 really wake my idea on how hard is it to earn cash.
it also allow me to see how far i can push myself to do sales. after this four days,
i manage to get like $11000 of sales. it is a tough world out there doing retail sales.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgIH55n_sqs
er this abv vid is what and where i did my job.

tiring, kena screwed by boss, demanding customers, long hours and low pay.
in return? i guess is the experience i gained that matter most. (:

went home to nap. suppose to do a 40 laps swim. lazy! =x

went to meet my mum and lil bro for dinner and we had BK!
woah i ordered something that stunned the aunty.

freaking 5 patties whopper + upsize.

i think i gained 2 kg immediatly? haha!

at night, being smart i went to browse through blogs.
stumbled upon my ex's and her new bf de blog.
they are having a great time. memories come flashing back. here and there,
i can't sleep.

went for a 1 hour jog. just need to loose this extra energy.

really, i am glad you found happiness.
but i must say, the emptiness is still in me.

tuesday!
woke up by the roars of thunders, heavy storm of rains and the stuffy room.

went to training and was surprise by the amount of attendance!

albania, amanda, yannee, vik, ian, alex, kim and me!
woah i am glad that you guys are back! we had much fun today. (:
sorry guys i suck and i mean SUCK at soccer.
so sorry for creating a match into a comedy.

WAHAHAHA! FUCKFACE DUNNO HOW TO KICK BALL!!!!

we had dinner together too!
it had had been a long time since we guys sat down and munch together.
such enjoyable time. (:

trained home and had dinner with Jerral! aiyoh bro, fail can retake one.
no worries. everyone have their second chance!
HAHA! i think i need to do more than 5 times lor!

and had supper with kim later! haha as usual, chat about IG matters.
i suppose we know our roles and responsibilities already.
lets do our part to strengthen this IG up. (:

join trek not because of whoever that have or had influence you.
join trek because of the passion. nothing else.

wednesday!
haha actually it falls on today!
but since i am blogging, should place down what's up later!

will be heading down to bugis to get something for Jerral.

later going down to vivo for a lunch and some shopping with Xin,
haha sometimes i must say, i admire the way you do things,
the way you speak and the way you react. i find you really cute,
and after listening to all of your past experience,
sometimes i feel really sad for you,
but at times, i am proud of you.
like the sacrifaces you would make for your ex.

well, i dont really know if you are getting a bf this coming year, or whoever he will be.
i just wish for your guys to last long, and i wish that he will treat you better than never. (:

remember that very conversation we chat?
i really wanted to make you mine.
perhaps just another crush, but it is, a confession.

ANYWAY, can an addiction replace an addiction?

BSC i miss you guys.

2009-03-21T23:27:00.002+08:00

okay today's sermon from pastor kong was superb.

S.U.P.E.R.B

as usual, he talked about r/s and how to maintain them.

God did somewhat talked to me when pastor kong touched on "giver" & "taker"

perhaps that was the reason why me and sam broke up.

today i served in 49A and 79 position in security.

first time leh! rather nervous. but i do hoped i did a great job.

MAYBE on my next post i will put down my notes here! (:

AND FINALLY! 21 March came. BSC ( Baptist Student Care ) 15th anniversary!

met gu weixiang, edlyn and ting fang at pioneer mall!

then next came sheryl and kaiyan.

we took a shuttle bus to Shalom Baptist Church.

woah that place upgraded so so much.

past: no air con, OHP projector, seats no cushion, outside is dirt carpark...

present: fully air con, BENQ projector, seats got back cushion, cemented carpark...

HAHA such comfort!

ANYWAY, i am so happy to see mrs yeoh, mr choo, ms yeong and all the other staffs.

BSC did really came a far way. there were so much i went through.

now all grown up already. and i see those young kids in BSC, really thank God for allowing them to be guided and blessed by the teachers.

still awaiting their pictures on facebook! (: miss you guys!

hmmm?

2009-03-21T04:34:00.005+08:00

well, today i had dinner with my parents.

I know in this picture (abv) I look kinda fat. -.-

they brought me for a crazy feast.

just take a look at how big the fishhead is!

looking at these pictures only make me salivate!

anyway, i did pop a very interesting question today.
i asked my mum,

me: eh faye choo (mum), is it true, that young couples often quarrel and in the later years, if they last, the quarrels will cease and there will be peace?
mum: no lah, last time all the couples are mostly match make. if always argue, how will they last till today?
me: er okay....
mum: aiyah simple lah. it all have to do with compromising lor.

that made me ponder about the chat i had with xin ni the other day when i went out with her.

i questioned her if it was possible for a r/s to workout well, just by me going and ask for a stranger (of course is a girl lah) number and carry on knowing her from there using the "compromising" method.

well, for me i believed that COMPROMISING is only a component to a relationship. there will still be more to come to build a r/s that will last. no r/s is smooth sailing so i guess, its time to wake up my idea!

dad's knee is in trouble again. haiz! maybe he is aging. i seriously hope i am able to like lighten his burden of giving me daily allowance already. *guilty calls* prays that his knee will be healed.

thoughts that came into my mind:
1. should i even get contact lenses?
2. should i get that beautiful coat from g2000? cost, 139.
3. should i continue putting in so much hardwork for a nice body?
4. eh, hair long liao. should go trim?
5. birthday's soon! how to.. thank my parents?

the coat that i was talking about. black colour though! (:

and year 2 sem 1 de classmates are out! haha! not bad, many new friends.
i cant wait to.. start school?

the excitement within me cannot be contained,
neither can words make you understand how i feel.

woah, its 5am already. before u know it, i will become a panda. nights! (:

:D

2009-03-19T05:02:00.003+08:00

yea! birthday plans are up and my family and i will be traveling to Malacca just to celebrate my birthday! I honestly can't wait to go! HAHA!

anyway, i got hooked to a new song.

Thinking Of You - Katy Perry

well, the lyrics does say for the song itself.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

Cause when I'm with her
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

She kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
She pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

Cause when I'm with her
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...
stay....

HAHA this will be a nightmare for me if it does happen. =|

but still, memories still do linger on. =(

so lemme see what's nxt in life:

thurs - trekearth training!
friday - nth on :D maybe heading to gym or a 10km jog!
saturday - church, serving. BSC anniversary after church! >.< meet up with friends!
sunday - a day to spend with mel for food and catch ups! =D

guess my life aint that boring after all! HAHA!

The aftermath of a break up.

2009-03-18T02:09:00.004+08:00

you knw, yes i may sound like an ass, keep confessing about which girl i like and stuff. but i can't seem to just say goodbye to you.

it's just so difficult for me to forget you.

everytime i chanced upon the letters you wrote for me,

your voice lingers in my mind, and those happy times flashed right before my eyes,

just like it was yesterday.

i knw we are over, the r/s is done, and we will nvr in our lifetime be together again.

but is it really that hard to say goodbye?

i dont knw how to explain this feeling,

but deep down i miss you and your actions and your voices.

Perhaps I still can't forget us, which explains your picture, still in my wallet.

must i live in hell everyday knwing that you are all happy in the arms of another guy?

must i find another girl and start anew and then forget everything?

i am so fucking confused, so fucking tired, so fucking want to fuck everything up.

life's a mess. back to square one.

you make me wanna repeat my darkest sin.

2009-03-17T03:28:00.002+08:00

hmmm IT fair, i am done. (:

now, awaiting for 27th of March.

I want to do my OJT!

ON JOB TRAINING!

i can't wait to be a camp facilitator.

OH WELL!

soon i will be bring jerral and van to get their ndsl!

haha hey, jerral is a nice guy and van is a beautiful girl.

a heavenly couple i can say.

for me, guess i really have to wait for my turn.

but it will be a dream, that won't come true,

easily.

hmmm, i must say, i have been puffing.

for fun or what, i really don't know.

but the taste and smell seriously sucks.

anyway me and the girl i am after,

i think quite impossible.

i can't blame her. sometimes i am really a player.

i am off to bed already!

just spend a night of fun with sebas! hahaha!

to the girl that i did a grave sin:

you make me wanna repeat my darkest sin.

NIGHTS! :D

A feeling that I guess I will never forget.

2009-03-14T00:26:00.002+08:00

Alright, today is my second day working in the IT Fair already.
I must say pushing graphics card is really a tough job.
And when commission is part of the game, every man is for himself.
Thus I should say, I will have enemies among my colleagues.

But who the hell, what the hell, gives a damn, gives a fuck.
I am doing my very best trying to sell them already.
And I must say that the others who are trying to sell,
You guys seriously gotta buck up and do some research on your own already.

But its only for like what? 4 days? Just gonna give it my best shot.

Somehow, you had send me this song, Halo by Beyonce.
Just for your info, this song reminds me of so many things.
Just like in the past where I used to tell Samantha,
that I will be her guardian angel and stuff even if I am gone.

But I must thank you for this song.

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
PRAY IT WON'T FADE AWAY

Its just like me singing to you while you are dancing in your studio.
Anyway, I doubt you are my crush. I doubt you are my close friend. Anymore.

I have fallen in love, with you. But it will forever remain unknown.
Until the time has come. I am glad, to be smsing with you already.

CONTENTED, BUT NOT SATISFIED.

I am glad it all happened. (:

2009-03-10T01:08:00.013+08:00

Here's a personal review of the Titiwangsa Transverse Range 5D4N Expedition 2009.

In the recent expedition that we had went, TrekEarth managed to trek in the thick forest of Titiwangsa, conquering the 2nd, 3rd and 4th highest mountain in Peninsular Malaysia. They are:

2nd - G. Korbu/ 2183m

3rd - G. Yong Belar/ 2181m

4th - G. Gayong/ 2173m

Together with 10 other mountain summits that were not as prominent as the G2, G3 and G4.

This Titiwangsa Transverse trek covers from Ipoh to Cameron approx 140km of jungle trekking through the low lands of jungle where leeches, mosquitoes and sand flies were common to the high lands of the mossy forest which compromises of beautiful treks where green moss covers almost every square inch of the jungle.

In this trek, TrekEarth was not only place in the situation where we were required to use our physical strength to overcome the obstacles in the jungle, we were required to use our mentality to control our body over tiredness, fatigue, hunger and at the same time maintain positive spirits and moral to battle against nature’s unforgiving weather conditions and muddy terrains of the Titiwangsa Transverse trek.

As we are summiting the mountains as a team, teamwork, bonding and co-operation with our fellow adventurers were very important. Understanding the fact that we trek as a team, we faced difficulties as a team too.

In trekking this Titiwangsa Transverse trek, personally had I came across some life principles that were clearly seen and related to our life. Here are some of the examples:

1. As we come across muddy puddles in the jungle, we must make alternatives to avoid them.

Thus, through this above eg, it shows me that in life, at times we may see certain obstacles that might not please us, thus looking for an alternative would be the best way to avoid.

2. At certain parts of ascends, we need to secure our footings before having the confidence and energy to push ourselves up. It is the same for our daily lives. When we find security in where we are, that’s when we will want to upgrade our lives to a next level.

3. When descending, at certain slopes which are way too steep, one is required to face backwards to descend. It is related to our life as at certain down times of our lives, we may feel very uncertain but if we were to turn back and look at our past experiences, we might be able to carefully find our way down and soon, move on with life.

Here are just some of the examples of how we can learn life lessons from trekking and I find it very meaningful. After this trek, I find that trekking is not only about conquering mountains, but conquering thyself.

Edward.

Haha yeap, that was about it all!

And guess how I spend my Monday?! Perhaps I can say it is one of the most unique Mondays of my life.

On the bus from Cameron Highlands to KL, I met this Swedish couple, Mattias and Amanda whom were bag packing all the way from Sweden to Thailand to Cameron to KL to Singapore and later heading on to Australia and to New Zealand, Cook Island and further to the States.

So what happen was that on the bus, we exchanged contacts and I promised to bring them around when they are in Singapore! So today we went to Lavander food centre to have some food! I had mixed beef noodles and they tried some dishes too!

Afterwards we headed to SimLimSquare to purchase a camera lens for Mattias. Quite a good bargain but the indian saleman's service was as bad as crap. Well, its a once and for all thing. And we got Amanda a new HP laptop! It's great! (:

We trained down back to my place at Pioneer MRT and they came over for dinner!

YEAP! I hope they did enjoy dinner! HAHA because Amanda didn't really know how to eat them! And Mattias seems like he enjoyed alot! Anyway, I had a great time with them, as they were sharing their lives in Sweden, how similar and different!

Will be working in the IT Fair pretty soon!

And I hope that tomorrow's group interview for my camp instructor course will work out well!

I miss you.

My final post before I am off...

2009-02-25T03:27:00.011+08:00

Dearest blog,

Before I am off to this expedition, these are my "last words" to all my family and friends out there that cared, loved and concerned for me. (:

Anyway, I will start with daddy first.

Dad, thank you first and foremost for giving RM300 for this trip. You even gave me additional SGD$50 just for me to do my last minute shopping. I know these money you had used your sweat, blood and heart to earn it. Sometimes I feel very guilty to use your money. At the other end, I have got to use them, and I will use them wisely.

Thank you for bringing me up until I am nearly 19, seeing me through the years of my ups and downs. I remembered once I broke down in tears, and you was there to comfort me. When I was secondary one, I gotten into trouble and when I see you, my heart was at rest. When I was secondary 5, you helped me spoke to my teacher despite of whatever that had happen.

Dad, although you are not a perfect father, but I am glad you gave me my daily allowance even though sometime you don't even have $2 in your wallet. I thank you too, for working so hard for me, supporting me, loving me, caring for me. In the recent cycling competition, you even made the effort to clear your van. Thank you dad. I love you. And you are the best dad I ever seen.

Next up! MUMMY!

Dearest mum, really want to thank you too. Just to let you know, on my 17th birthday, you wrote a very very touching note for me. You told me how hard it was to brought me up. How much effort it took from day one until now. Thanks mum.

Mummy, I want to thank you for teaching me and guiding me throughout these years of my life. All the caning, scolding, punching and shouting... Are all worth it mum. I had changed over the years to be a better person. Not for your harsh punishment, I wouldn't be where I am today.

Mummy, thank you for your expectations in my education. I am glad that as long as I have passed my exams, you are happy. Thank you for putting me in so many tuition. Thank you for savaging my "O" level Chinese.

Thank you too, for supporting me in huge amount of money. I think in my life, I can never pay you back even if I earn the millions because these money are from your blood. Mum, thank you.
And yes, thanks mum, for always being my listening ear. All my troubles, here and there you will somehow see it in me. Your advices were always true and helpful in my life. I love you mummy, always.

OKAY! Clinton Ho!

Haha hey little brother! I know, kor hasn't been a good brother. Sometimes I do things that really hurt you like taking your things etc... and spoiling them. I know that many times I have this very stubborn character in me that always borrow stuff from you even if you don't to lend. Well, I apologise, for not being a very good elder brother.

And thanks, for being my companion, my good friend and of course, my little brother. I see that you are saving up your money for so many things. A new off road biking suspension, a new road bike, your drumming lessons. And let me tell you something. I AM PROUD OF YOU! You are so talented, in your cycling passion and interests. You know how to dismantle bikes and fixed them at such an age. You know how to play drums... You serve in usher ministry...

Clinton, Kor is super proud of you. All the way you shall go and someday you will succeed.

I love you, my brother.

Here's a family picture that I love...

Hmmmm.... I love you guys always. (:

OKAY! here's my buddy's turn!

Yeap! It's you Sebastian! Hey bro, thanks for so many things. I find that you are a great leader, a great buddy, and a great friend + advisor. You know that there are many things I confided in you. Thanks for being there to be my listening ear and giving me advises. However, sometimes I find ego and pride in you and extremely stubborn. Perhaps that's every man's inner weakness. But if someday you overcome it, I am sure you will be a great gentleman.

And up next is my ex-girlfriend...

I want to take this opportunity to thank you for being there for me. I just want to let you know that you had been a very good girlfriend and my family loves you a lot. I am sorry for breaking your heart umpteen times, driving you crazy on the phone till you cry, not doing what is at the correct time... So many things that I would want to apologise for. One is not being HIM.

Anyway, even after we break up, thank you for being a very close and good friend towards me. Thanks for sharing the word of God even though you are in the midst of your studies. Thanks for still giving me the chance to be friends. I appreciate it a lot.

Hey brother Naresh!

Hey Naresh, thanks. Really a huge thank you. Thanks for being my mentor throughout these 2 years in CHC. You were always there to listen to my problems, care, pray, love and concern for me. Thank you for your advices and most importantly, you didn't gave me up even if I gave up on myself. You know, you are really a great man. And I love you as my elder brother. Thank you!

YEAP! KIM AND JERRAL OF TREK EARTH!

Hey guys, it has really been a pleasure working with both of you. You guys are great. Co-operative, understanding, respectful, caring and concerning for each other and I really appreciate all the effort you guys contributed in TrekEarth. I really hope that when we are back from this expedition, we can work together to bring TrekEarth to the next level of achievements and standards. Let us build this IG up.

I know that there are still a lot of my friends out there, showing so much care and concern, let me see if I can name some...

Raymond and Ariel of W35Q
GuoHao, Iris and Joyce of E37N
XueTing, Kiayim, LayHwa and Jasmine of W426
Alexandra who always insist that I smile no matter how much it hurts!
Xin Ni who always makes the initiative to ask me out!
Vignette who always wants me to be happy, asking me to think on the positive side!
Zuel who always gives me job opportunity! ( last long with MW please! )

Yea that should be all. And I really hope that I will return from this trek. If I don't... HAHA!

Hmmm, correct time correct day correct way? (:

2009-02-20T22:27:00.012+08:00

GOODBYE MOMMY! yea, she's off to Macau.

Hmm, she just called me and I suppose everything is alright! (:

I woke up early to send her off at the budget terminal today.

BUDGET TERMINAL means totally, very, budget. One playground, one cafe.

Haha! yea, that's my tag number 769. And a few items that came together like a transparent protection glasses and a beautiful jersey.

Honestly, I did not very train very hard for this competition at all. I pre-bought a bike from Sebastian's father and I am still in debt. But this sport of mine, I won't give it up so easily. Just take a look how beautiful it is.

Full view.

Cockpit view.

FSA, Full Speed Ahead

It's just a entry level bicycle but it's my treasure.
And if this time I am able to even get into top 20, all glory go to God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. (:

"I can do all these through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

After collecting, MRTed back to Jurong.

Since I wanted to build a strong body, after yesterday's vigourous intense upper body training,

I WENT TO SWIM!

Okay that isn't me, but I think that's how fierce I swam. LOL!

Woah! My arms and chest is feeling buff. B U F F. But it feels good. (:

And finally, I went to today's EMERGE 2009 20/02/2009.
I didn't expect that God spoke right to me, the first time I went back to His house. Anyway, the drama was great. Very revelant towards my generation of students. Especially when economic is bad, where there is a high possibility of breadwinners getting retrenched. And when this retrenchment happened, the family starts falling apart and

THAT WAS WHAT THE DRAMA WAS ALL ABOUT.
KUDOS to CHC EMERGE DRAMA TEAM! =D

Anyway, here's Abraham.

So Pastor Zhuang was preaching about how discourage Abraham was when God gave him miracles in his life for the past twenty years. Abraham feels that he wants to have kids so as to have a heir for his future generation. So God asked him out of the tent where he was praying, to look at the mass amount of stars, and God told him that he will have children, as many as the stars that are in the sky.

References : Psalms 147:4 & Genesis 15:1-6

Moral of the story : God want us to get out. GET OUT and lookout for our friends. (:

What really struck me, and I felt God talking to me, was when Pastor Zhuang specifically talked about sexuality immoralities, pornography, lustful thoughts, fornication... Well, to be honest, I am a sinner and whatever my past is, I shadn't mention and look back anymore.

Here are some phrases from the bible saying about such things:

"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins people commit are outside their bodies, but those who sin sexually sin against their own bodies." (NIV) 1 Corinthians 6:18 "Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor practicing homosexuals" (NIV) 1 Corinthians 6:19

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (NIV) 1 Corinthians 10:13

I know its a little wordy but these were the words that spoke to me. I think God is sick of my lustful thoughts... and all my sins. Thanks, for giving me the strength to overcome my temptations...

And Naresh, thank you. Thanks for being my listening ear and encouraging me with your words and prayer.

AND AND!

SUNDAY is my competition day! & Cousin Christa is being baptized! Wish I can make it there sis!

I am like a few more days from my most challenging trek.

WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

too tired already. =/

2009-02-18T03:02:00.004+08:00

JADED.

been to jb with kim for tickets.

got a good bargain, i hope =x

cab back to sch for training..

came home for dinner.

training with sebas at ntu.

supper with kim and girl, jerral and me.

SOMETIMES I REALLY FEEL THAT I AM ON EAGLE'S WING.
THANK YOU, GOD.

Its time I try something new.

2009-02-16T23:54:00.003+08:00

"For you were like sheep going astray, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls." 1Peter 2:24-25

Last night, I decided to pray to God. So I turn on some christian music, and started singing along. Every time, God touches my heart, and I will break down in tears.
I am trying to make it a point, that I will want to thank Him and smile back! =D

I had a very good night sleep last night. (: Maybe because I gave Him my burdens.

Woke up at around 1.30pm! -.- That's quite late!

When to had my lunch and thought back,

HMMM.. There is still chicken wings that were left behind from last night's BBQ!

I phoned dad and mum telling them I will cook. Dad was surprise! LOL!

So I bought bean sprout + salted fish = SGD$4.20.

WELL DONE, I GOT CHEATED BY THAT AUNTY. LOL!

With a canned of sardines and tomatoes.

HERE'S THE OUTCOME!

Looks good for a beginner luh! >.<

After dinner, went to Pioneer Mall with my mum to see a doctor.
Gosh, mummy is sick. SIGH! and her trip is coming up soon.

GOD BLESS YOU MUM!

Had an evening jog with Chyna. Woah she's fit. I must admit. LOL!
Anyway, you are coughing girl! Rest well! =D

I miss W35Q already. Was thinking of having another BBQ on my birthday itself.

ANYWAY, going to Malaysia with Kim tomorrow. Getting tickets to Ipoh. Later training!

I GUESS... I HAVE UNMASKED MYSELF.

My Crazy W35Q Classmates.

2009-02-15T23:59:00.018+08:00

I didn't sleep well last night.

I thought a lot. Thought through a lot.

Was wondering why did so many things happened,

in such a short period of time.

Hurt and Lost.

Woke up at around 11am.

And gamed myself to 2.30pm before I left to look for Derek at Woodland MRT.

HAHA ended up he himself was late and so I managed to meet Garhong and Geannie first.

Bused down to Tampines and met Julia. Then, bused down to Pasir Ris.

Haha I know these pictures look funny.

Okay we reached!
Our da jie, willy walla drove her "honda" all the way!

Aiman and I started to make the fire for BBQ! :D

So before ya'knw it, the ladies got their hand on HEART ATTACK!

And when the sky was almost dark, Aiman and Raymond and Me was cooking for the gang.

Derek being the HERO whipped out his alcohol like a gun in wild wild west,

"LETS PLAY UP & DOWN"

&

That was when all the troubles came.

Seems pretty fun huh! Take a look at what had happen to our beloved Zhi Ming & Ariel..

HAHA poor Ariel. He was bubbling himself outside the toilet.

And as for Zhi Ming, a picture says a thousand words....

Okay, I think enough of story-telling.

GROUP PHOTOS of W35Q!

Beautiful Memories I won't forget.
Thanks Guys!

Ladies
&
Gentlemen

I guess it's time for me to say good bye... (: had a great day, I hope you guys too...

Anyway, I think I should just move on already.
Perhaps let time change me, a better me.
Someone that is good, not only in character but moral.

我仍然想念您。

What a Valentine day!

2009-02-14T20:52:00.008+08:00

Alright. Apologies to Joyce for waking me up like twice, had an appointment with her at yewtee mrt at 11.30pm, but I kinda of overslept. Suppose to meet Kim, Vignette and Jerral for lunch at 12noon. but woke up at 12.37pm and met at 1pm. Sorry guys. Had great lunch with Kim and Vignette, hang out.
AND SURPRISINGLY, I WENT TO CHURCH.

anyway, I didn't regret for going. I felt the sense of belonging, and God's love keep telling me, "Edward, welcome home." well, I have seriously back slided beyond words. after my breakup with Samantha, my life changed. at first, I thought church and cg was a bore. and life was great, I thought to myself. I thought I was great, superb and macham God. but I was wrong. Soon after, the feeling sucks. So Pastor Kong delivered a great massage on Valentine's Day. Here are the first 3 basic needs a man and woman will ever need in a r/s.

Woman

Affection - All girls need to be told how much they are love.. how much they are to be appreciated. This reminded me of how I used to whisper the 3 words in her ears when we are intimate. Anyway, it's the past. But I can say that using words to show affection to a girl is strong. It affirms them. (:
Conversation - Haha! From 40,00 man and woman, conversation was the most important thing. A man speaks 15000 words per day, while a woman speaks 30000 words! That's like double. Haha now I won't blame my female friends for being so chatty. Anyway, Pastor Kong advised a man to spend time at least 15hours per week with his spouse. AND it is not orh hah orh yes whatever. It must be undivided attention. Reminds me of my past r/s. Everynight spend chatting with you...
Honesty & Openess - Well, in every r/s, the man must be honest and open towards her. The girl would wanna know his every deepest secret, thought and comment towards every single thing in his life. Pastor Kong said that woman have this sense in her to see if her guy is troubled or whether is he saying something truthfully. HAHA, he did mentioned, if a man thinks that the girl can't take the truth, then he is looking down on her. <- well said. And he did mentioned that a marriage will never fail because of telling the truth, but fails because of telling lies. Hmmm sorry Samantha, during our r/s, I had not been open enough. But its all over. All the best for your future.

Man

Sexual Fulfillment - Hmmm, God created sex. So yea, thats for the married couples not those that are still dating. LOL but well, its all up to oneself.
Recreational Companion - Wouldn't it be nice for your girl or wife to play the same sport as you? Hmm, but the guy musn't be too much to force the girl to like whatsoever he likes. However, to me its more of a compromise thing. The guy and girl must compromise to an activity that both enjoy and love. The couple that plays together stays together. (:
Attractive Spouse - Well, behind every successful man, there is ought to be a woman. And I am sure all man would want an attractive woman to be by their side. I know many people here says that loving a person is seeing the person's heart. But it's crap. The bible says otherwise. 1 Sam 16:7 proves it all. Here are five major pointers for girls to look out if you want your man to be happy.

Weight Control - HAHA need me say more? x.x
Make Up - LOL please don't over do it. You will become Ruhua. =x
Hairstyle - Well, diff boys, diff perspective. (:
Clothing - Dress nicely inside and outside of the house please!! :D
Cosmestic Surgery - Recommended by Rick Warren! Change any major distraction if you have the cash! Like a mole or something.. Not asking to go do boobs implantation! -.-

Hmmm I really wish to be back to church once again. I know I had fallen.
But what my security minstry brother Wei Jian told me,
"People fail at times, but it is the picking yourself part where you grow."
HAHA and also thank you,
W426 and W473 for that welcome back shout.
Honestly I was touched. But I controlled.

When I looked at Samantha, I felt awkward. I feel that I shouldn't be here. =|

Many things had come recently. Good and bad.
Currently training for my OCBC competition on 22nd Feb.
And oncoming 25th Feb for my 7D6N Titiwangsa Range Trek.

I dont know how am I able to cope. But if there's a will, there's a way.

And my Valentine day wasn't so bad.
Just that the girl that I loved is now with my buddy,
And what more else can I do?

All the best guys! And last long! (:

is it reallly that hard to let go?

2009-02-03T00:37:00.000+08:00

Honestly, i dont know if this is going to be a emo post. but here's really how i feel deep down inside.

I have exactly no idea how many days samantha and me had been separated. but here are my reflections...

so edward, what does it like to live a single life?

well lemme say that it both has it pros and cons.

pros are that i am much more free, i have much more allowance to be spent on myself. i can concentrate on making friends and spending more time with my family.

cons? these are going to hurt. well, i will stare at my hp sometimes thinking will my ex-gf someday still sms me. everytime the train passes bukit gombak, i will have memories flashbacks of the time i spend with her. everytime i sees a couple getting close together, memories come flooding back. i used to hug her but now its the boaster.

edward, but what is done, IS DONE. why still so... emotional?

simply because i still love her? here and there, there are many things i couldnt let go such as the ring i wore on my finger? the letters she wrote for me? they are still so "yesterday" to me.

why can't you just throw them away and just forget about it all?

it isn't easy letting it go.

anyway, here's a little note to you, if u are reading.

i still miss those times we eat mee fen mian at the coffeeshop.
i miss those times i see ur smile when i appear in ur shop with a box of chocobaby and milktea.
i miss those times where we use to sit at the metal seats, where we will sing, hug and kiss.
i miss those times where we will just dozed off on the mrt.
i miss your smses, where every morning i will see them and they are last before i slps.
i miss your touch. the way you massage me on my neck and head.
i miss your smile, your voice and mostly your love.

i know i have not been a good boyfriend here and there..
but i did try my best to bring that smile on you.

perhaps one will never know to treasure,
until she's gone.

anyway, it has been a long day.
after first aid course was movie at bishan with my brothers and vignette.

damn damn tired. i doubt i will pass my practical for my course for CPR.

give us a second chance will you?

i was just wondering what your reaction would be like,
if i someday hug you from your back,
just like before.

randoms.

2009-02-02T03:35:00.000+08:00

today, a new-found friend asked me a qns.

how faithful can one be?

sit back and relaxed and thoughts flood in. here are my ans...

hmmm. it depends. i bring u back to these two words. self control.

in a r/s, a guy still have to carry on his life, like going to sch and meet up with friends, do projects and stuff.. same for a girl.

he/she is always exposed to opportunities to have a double relationship. the guy, can perhaps fall for his classmate, while the girl, vice versa.

and it's all back down to self control where one must know how to draw the line between a friendship, a bgr, and a triangular r/s.

and most of the time, the guy tat will tend to be less faithful.. is due to the fact tat he lusted for another girl. not love.

What an answer. I looked back and reflected. Perhaps sometimes i will need to use my own answers to pull myself together when temptations flow in.

anyway, life's gonna be busy for me really soon.

first aid course - mon to wed.
6d5n m'sia expedition - 25th feb to 3rd march.
ocbc cycling competition - 22nd feb.
training every tues and thurs.

i was just wondering...

edward, are you ready for a brand new r/s with a girl?
do you have time for her?
do you have enough $ for a r/s?
will you bring her happiness?
will this just be a love or a lust story?

or

should you just wait till you complete your studies?
remember what you said to samantha?
move on, is this the way?

edward, what about religion?

sigh forget it. no point telling the world i am a christian when i am not even behaving like one. no point putting a mask everytime i am at church.

edward, did church changed you? or was it because of samantha?

perhaps i loved samantha thats why i loved god.

anyway guys, upon reading this post, feel free ya'knw, drop me a comment. thanks.

dusty ass blog.

2009-02-01T04:05:00.000+08:00

phew, its been like what months since i blogged.

anyway, damn tired now. not of physical but also mentally.

haha i dont know but there's numbness in me.

even if i sin, i feel no feelings anymore.

so dont fucking tempt me.

been cycling quite a lot.

upcoming m'sia trip still kinda of worry me.

anyway, whoever is up in heaven,

pls protect samantha.
pls bless alexandra.
pls bring happiness to alexia.
pls help xin ni with her grades.
pls heal sheryl.
pls bring peace gerri.
pls strengthened janice.

er. dont assume. just hope that god take goodest care of them.

anyway, random post. will find a topic to blog. soon.

must everyday be of so much fuck ups?

2008-12-11T00:10:00.000+08:00

HA, today that bitch wasn't in school today. =D =D
someone took over her place.
well, LADIES and GENTLEMEN was his favorite quote.
maybe a little clapping of hands will it more grand.

here's what i will say to him.

"You know what Sir, I find you way better than the female botox crazy attitude bitch.
Reason being you are friendly, jokeful and at times gay.
BUT if you were to repeat your LADIES and GENTLEMEN, I will be damn fucking angry,
I will tear those few strands of hair on your head and pop you in your fucking nuts. If you wanna clap, I will place your head in between your hands and make you clap. Thank You."

damn polite already lor. =D
you wont want to hear what i would want to say to female bitch. =x

i am going to miss my classmates in class. sorry about me not being free for class outings...

ANYWAY, was talking to samantha.
oh well, fyi while you were telling me all about him..
he treating you nice and stuff...
i felt both side. i felt happy.
AND I FELT FUCKING FUCKING PAIN.
PAIN IN MY GODDAMN HEART.
i think if this torture continue i will just die for goodness sake.

I wish you all the best.
Go and get him, make sure he treats you well,
make sure you treasure him.
make sure you love him.
MAKE THE FUCKING SURE HISTORY DONT REPEAT.
because i dont think anyone will wanna be in my place.

btw, here's a few pics that when I view them,
it fucking hurts.

hmmm above pic the last time we went out.

She at my hse.. those times...

how sweet were these kisses, i miss them.

in mac at bukit gombak. ice cream memories...

how pretty you look... i miss you.

anyway, i dont think you will give a fuck now.
i cried when i typed the captions for us.
it fucking hurts alright?

all the best for you and shrawn or whoever...
but memories can be revived. its up to your choice.

2008-12-10T16:45:00.000+08:00

If I Were A Boy
Beyonce Knowles

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll outta bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted then go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it.
Cause they’d stick up for me.

[Chorus]
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it’s broken
So they’d think that I was sleepin’ alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waitin’ for me to come home (to come home)

(Chorus)
If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man.
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say its just a mistake
Think I’d forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you’re just a boy
You don’t understand (Yeah you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl someday
You wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’ve taken her for granted
And everything you have got destroyed
But you’re just a boy

shugs girl i miss you so much. regretted for letting it all go.

Mis-adventure.

2008-12-09T03:54:00.000+08:00

Alright lemme recall what have happen recently...
WARNING: Post might be explict due to the fuck fact that what happen recently.

my broke up with samantha.

family outing at east coast park.

w35q

upcoming trips.

So here's whats thats going on. first up, my broke up with samantha. yea i knw it seems nearly impossible that we will come to an end. but well, it happened. for good for bad, who the fuck gives a shit now. anyway, i still dont get the point when you quote the blog post i posted on msn and gimme a >.<". i mean, if you are upset abt me leaving you, den why not patch? all this fucking while i have been requestin for one and there the fuck you are knwing i will patch back and still making yourself so upset. i dunno why, once i see our pics taken in the past, it hurts my goddamn heart. perhaps it was the memories that were left behind? guess i should learn to let the fuck go. argh its hard but fuck it. its over.

so, yesterday was suppose to be a festive season where all the muslims have their prayers. oh well, happy selamat hari raya to my malay friends! guess where the fuck was i? i was at ecp camping with my family members. started well pretty good. brought 4 bikes out of 6 down. 1 colnago, 1 wheeler, 1 bmx and 1 sissy ass bike. loaded up into a massive lorry and was heading down to ecp. reached there approx 2pm. wtf the place flooded with people. setup the tent as usual while all e aunties preparing the food...

after setting up, i went for a coastal ride. it was freaking windy as if some shithead forgotton to turn off the fan and i am in the wind tunnel struggling. man, the results show on the speedometer was fucking disgraceful to reveal. 24 mins for a 11km ride? disappointing. perhaps it was the coastal wind and the massive amount of people that were using the path.

soon it was dark and late and my cousins and i were having dinner. food was great. beehoon and fried rice accompany with curry chicken. desserts were cold longan with almond pudding. woah it was good. i took a nap in e small tent as the rest went doing their stuff...

soon, it was 12midnight. clement and i was chilling out by the beach. the lights that were shining off the ships were beautiful. however, lighting was what that made me shook my head. predicting a storm will approach, we zipped up our tent and slept. at 4am, it came. small drizzle with drips of water woke me and clement up. however we managed to still slp.

until i got so fucking irritated by the water dripping, i woke up. thought of evac to the next tent but was nearly impossible because the huge tent was collapsing already. wtf. thus, all of us evac to the shelter ahead. things got worse when i can see my uncle's tent being uprooted almost flying away. that was how strong the fucking wind was. at the shelter, my colnago bike was blown almost to topple, thank goodness it was lock on with my bro's wheeler. all is wet and cold. being one of the man of the family, i have to stand up and shield the rain cover from the wind. it was one hell of an experience. lesson learnt, never to camp during a monsoon season. MON-FUCKING-SOON.

wtf it is like a few more weeks to the end of my sem 2 and to tell u guys, frm the bottom of my heart, you guys rock seriously. i knw i am fucking FUCKING FUCKING irritating and always joking around disturbing people but i am doing this just for fun no motives at all. never was i once wanting to create a conflict. i am so going to miss you guys when we change class next sem. lets plan for one sunday, all of us head down to sentosa for a day of fun. or maybe ecp camping! hahahaha. anyway, looking forward for it too!

trekearth is heading to a waterfall pretty soon and i cant wait to go lah! its like every trip is a test and a reward. the test, is to bring us out of the comfort zone and push our physically body to the next level. the reward, is all of our months of training. seeing it come to work is more than just a reward. its the experience. AND yes, climbing a mountain or waterfall to me is another achievement. hmmm, being good in IT and able to experience nature with a healthy body? isnt it best of 3 worlds? hahaha. damn looking forward to 10 weeks holiday! woah being able to climn 4Gs in one shot is a challenge. but i am up to it.

okay, its like 4.30am and i am posting this post, with a damn irritating sore throat, a sprained right arm and a 3cm cut on my toe. wtf and i am going to rockclimb soon. fuck.

okay, j, here's a post for you. i miss you truckloads. pls call or sms or leave an offline msg on msn or anything? if you are overseas, take good care of yourself.. (:

what happened?

2008-11-16T01:55:00.000+08:00

Hey, i knw its been some time since i even blogged. -.- well, so far, quite a lot of things had happen so far. hahaha. just like the stock market, there were ups and downs. i would say through what i have been through so far, i had realised that there are many really good friends that will stay beside me even when i am down despite the fact that i am known as fuckface. hahaha. anyway, first up,

PELAPAH WATERFALL!

phew wee, first, thank God almighty that all was safe and not even a single major injury happened. thank God for the weather and also the anointing He had given to Kim and Jerral. me, being their fuckface was er... i can say that its my pleasure to bring you guys fun! hahahaha. the waterfall was sastifying and great. water was cold and i did manage to make a jump! hahaha how cool. it was really a pity that quite a number of my ig members didn't came. otherwise i am sure they will enjoy it. nxt year! if possible. =x I knw kim wont want to go back. hahahaha.

Edward and Samantha...

when aaron heard the news that we stopped all our communication, he went shock saying that he didnt expect things to happen so badly between us. anyway, i guess i should give her some time to really be single and independant. i really hope that throughout these months that we had spend thick and thin together, you should have learn quite alot of things from me. do use them alright? if you are wanting to know, i am doing alright. is just that i am lonely everytime the sunsets. perhaps i am not used to it now. sorry for such a huge blow in your life.

Friends...

thanks masturina, for being my hearing ear. hahaha, rmb i always said. there are always two sides to a coin. if i can be very hyper, so can i be emo. hahaha but thanks, what you said encouraged me alot. a few buddies i would like to thank, sebastian, my lil bro clinton, aaron, ariel and mas and also the friends that accompanied me. hahaha!

Asia Conference is coming up so crazily sooooooon!!!! woah, me is excited. hahaha, today i served in water bap. sometimes ar, i am not only a fuckface, i am also a dumbfuck. i think almost anyword related to fuck have something to do with me except for motherfucker. lol!!! anyway, ppl used their toes to pick up the fallen tag in the pool, i dived. LOL! whole body was crazily wet and looks stupid huh! LOL! cant wait for asia conference! :D:D

binary and binary.. sounds like binding my ass.

2008-10-14T04:34:00.000+08:00

anyway, today in sch was not bad. i was early! :D hope can be early for the week man. i miss those days where my grades were soaring. but who cares abt grades? my classmates are much more than the grades i obtained. really had a great time with them despite the fact that saddam loves to throw sarcasm at me... and many more. but, who cares? hahaha. in fact they are the funniest ppl around.

sorry guys. i wanted to play soccer today with you guys but didnt expect you guys to leave half way during class. man, i can let my today grades fall any deeper otherwise i am literrally screwed. but you know what? they came back. -.- hahahha. besides, i am not feeling very well dont know because of the f up weather or what. perhaps i am just pure tired. well, before 9 pm, my beloved brother ariel showed me something so bad, i almost puke.

rain chung. dunno what in the earth is wrong with this guy. his a f up gual. GUAL comes from guy and gal. damn, his pics is so horrid, that upon gazing, u will lose any hunger appetite or any mood to do anything. my God why have such creation like this. this GUAL wears almost anything, and is damn revealing on his flesh. sHe doesnt have any shame does he? woah, i almost puke seriously.

saw this "mini" pasam malam at sch area. my friends bought patrick for their handphone and all of a sudden, a thought came to my mind that my girl just got herself a new bag. so i bought her spongebob square pants! i hope she like it. :D and also bought her a HUGE box of choco baby. hope she enjoys!

reached home damn shag!! watch ironman and less than 15 mins, i shut the whole thing down.. and went to bed. super tired. and i woke up at 2am. crazy am i? hahaha but who cares. sebas and aaron were dead asleep already. so i went to supper myself. how sad huh! and had sliced fish soup and a cup of cold milo. woah, how rewarding :D!

came home and game for a while.... and now here i am, 4.44am posting this blog. nights, everybody.... i mean morning...! crap, UT is like in 5 hours time. aiyah think i can de! haha... oh and trekearth training is today! woots! lookin forward to it! :D aidios!~

what a kick start, what an ending.

2008-10-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

hey. today woke up or rather i didnt slp. had insomnia i think. just cant freakin slp. its like me turning from left to right frm 6.40am to what... 10am? man, i kinda of feel bad. Naresh called me reminding me to go CG and i was still not going. i mean, what for should i go when i didnt even manage to have a goood rest and ltr slp in mikki's CG? i dont want to leave a bad impression. so might as well dont go!

awaken and blur, i stumbled into the hall with my dad screwing me up with his words abt me not clearing up the furniture and stuff. he was like some big ass shot man seating, drinking coffee and reading his papers at the same time nagging his mouth off me. woah, whats worst? my mom added gunpowder into the fire and i nearly had a fight. what a start in the morning right? well, just like a sports car, in order to go fast need to have ignition right? that was mine ignition. what an explosive one.

anyway, me in my underwear started moving all the furniture away from the tv console. a major disccusion with my parents to where we should move what and what we should do. looks like we have great co-ordination. but still, minor argument arises when we misunderstood the positions of the furnitures. here's a funny part. being in a family that doesn't have Christ makes it a huge challenge to talk about crappy feng shui and this and that... what cai sheng ye... lol. so my dad was like saying there are this two botak smiling idols carrying a bag of coins which my dad wanted me to shift. he was like, these two idols are good. because their size is small and they weigh very heavy, meaning that the spiritual strength inside it is strong. first that came to my mind was... what crap. lol, sorry to offend all but me being me only believe in the truth, God. my dad revealed some creepy stuff too about his idols and all and i dont really care that much. lol.

hmmmm. suppose to go down to riverwalk to support my girl for her audition but i was late and missed it all. shift all the furnitures by 3.30pm and hurried out of house to clark quay. i accompanied her and some of the cg members to "shop" around. i dunno whatsup with my gf but me was pretty irritated with what she said. girl gave me that, why you keep on following me look. was pissed and thought. wth, then who else you expect me to cling onto? of cos is you la. anyway, thinking through, its not worth a single shit to go and be so uber upset over such a trivia stuff. me, being ahem, a gentleman approached my girl and thank cupid or whosoever, everything was back to normal. chill out there for awhile, and finally, girl and i went to my house for dinner.

dinner was kinda of simple but yet, delicious. of cos lah, prepared by my mother leh, 2nd best cook. first is my grandma, her mum. anyway, we had vege.. abc soup.. chicken drumstick roasted.. egg.. and watermelon! woah, damn uber full. after that went for a nap with girl. hahaha...

send her home at around 9.30pm made it back here just on time to type this kick ass day.

oh yes, tml is my class soccer. i am prepared to get kick in the ass my saddam and supreme. screwed.

sigh, sorry for not being accountable enough. i am not feeling well today myself too, thanks for letting me be myself. and, heard you are sick too. take care cgl and hope God bless your week.

er... bro, things do happen lah. but sometimes we must seat down and think over whether is it worth the fight or is it worth to tahan. perhaps its all a misunderstanding between you and her. why bother? hahahaa... anything, text me bro.

long time nvr blog. but who wanna read a joker's life?

2008-10-12T05:38:00.000+08:00

darn, this few days i have been slpping at 6. am i crazy? i doubt. anyway, life now is rather in quite a complete mess in my studies. getting Cs & Ds are common for a joker in school i guess. perhaps its time for me to pull myself together and get serious just like ariel my buddy.

first and foremost, God. darn, its been a long time since i cry out to God about my life. looking back i reflect. its kinda of mess up. everytime when someone mention abt quiet time. crap, i feel guilty. i feel as if i have left my God outside the door not inviting him into the parties of my life. sorry God. guess human's nature is to seek you when i am in need. i want to change and i will change. will i? let time decides.

second! my girl. hey darling samantha, i am kinda of sure u must be reading this blog with eyes going O_O. hahaha, anyway, i really miss you alot. everytime when i see couples hugging on the mrt, walking hand in hand strolling down the streets, i felt the sense of loniness in my heart. "girl where are you? i ponder..." well, i really hope we can last a lifetime of love. having you be mine forever is a gift from heaven and living with you in this lifetime is a blessing. your birthday is very near. sorry i cant give you what i really promised. but me will do me best to make you the luckiest and most beloved girl on the planet on 16 Oct 2008. <3

third! my family. woah piang eh, ppl place their family after God and i placed it after my gf. perhaps its different people way of placing the important values in their life after all. well, dad is down with a fractured leg. i teared the other day while waiting for samantha to finish working. i was listening to Parachute band singing to surrender all. what make me tear is that i feel that i have not spend enough time with him. as i am typing this, pictures of memory of my daddy taking care of me when i was young flash back. how he took care of me when i was young. i felt the sense of security when he came to fetch me back from kindergarden. those time when he sacriface his time to send me to school, those time i made him angry.. those time i upset him so bad, he was hurt inside. damn, he's the best dad ever. yes he have many flaws as a father. but which father will work manually just to pay off his son's debt of 300 over bucks to Singtel? which father will have his leg fractured and still work and place 20 bucks into your wallet? which dad will aid a son when he's in trouble during secondary one? my dad. (: now his leg is fking fractured. damn that son of a bitch that made he fell. seeing him limping aches my heart. what the hell son am i? i ponder. dad, if u are reading this, i am sorry for times i made u upset and hurt. perhaps before you leave this world, i want you to carry my child and take good care of them. most importantly, come back to Christ. i want you and mum in heaven.

fourth, ministry. wooo, today or rather yesterday i did Radar position. it's a position that really makes me sleep. but i want to be stronger and be able to rise up in the next level. things happened today. but i will learn and be submissive towards whats coming my way. discipleship.

fifth! my brothers. yes yes, aaron and sebastian. damn, u guys are really the best buddies i should say, yes we have been through crazy arguments and damn, i cant remember. why place all the shit in the toilet bowl and stink up the whole toilet? flush it all lah. yea, thanks for being there for me to hear abt my f-ed up life and thanks too, for advicing me. well guys, i hope you two will forget abt the past and we can of cos start anew.

Oh yes, my blood brother. not that i am placing him last. but he's my BLOOOOOOD BROTHER. damn, sometimes i hate you so much. but u know, i love you way much i hate you. i know you just gotten your punk asss wheeler bike. here's something for you. everytime you cycle, it worries my heart. why? reason being i know hw crazily we cycle when we are together. i cant afford to lose you, is not like mum and dad can bring up another kid? bro, i need you as much as you need me in the future. i will raise you up when all have fallen and i will be there to lead you. last but not least, i love you.

Oh and TREK EARTH!
man, shit have really happened and i hope its all over. anyway, i really hope to see as many trekkers back into this IG for the pelapah waterfall trip. honestly, the trip is really a trip that is fun and i am sure you will enjoy it. i went for the racee and fell in love with it already. the experiences was priceless and beyond words. i hope that all of us will strengthened our friendship throughout this trip between the year 1s and year 2s. look at it this way, if we are going to have this cold friendship, it wont help us to handle next year's batch, wont be able to continue Trek Earth anymore. hey jerral and kim! thanks for all the effort put into Trek Earth! its been a pleasure working with you guys.

OKAY, edward is going crazy. why? because its 6am. CG is in 5 hours and i am still awake. one word. "screwed." anyway, thanks for reading! or rather wasting your time here. hahahaa...